Saturday, January 21, 2012

Coping with a Maine Winter

The best way to cope with a Maine winter is to go to Florida.  If you can't do that then get a good hat.  My favorite one is a really nasty bright green with things embroidered on it in red and blue and a big green bobble on the top.  Its label says it is made from Turtle Fur.  That's why I bought it.  A little more wit and a little less truth would go a long way to making life better, in my view.  Then you need YakTrax on your shoes.  These are rubber strappy things with spikes for gripping the ice.  These are what I didn't have on yesterday when I hit a mean patch on the driveway and landed on my head.  I lay there for a while thinking about life in general and wondering if mine was over and then noticed some birds flying overhead.  Ok, I thought.  I can see.  I wonder if I can move.  Somehow it seemed too much trouble to check so I just laid there for a little while longer.  I shouted "Help" but it wasn't a very loud shout because there wasn't anyone around to hear me but it did prove that I could speak.  Ok.  I can hear and I can speak.  Things are looking up.  I turned my head back and forth.  Neck not broken.  Excellent. Nonetheless I am now faced with achieving an upright status from a prone position on an icy hill.  There is not much passing traffic on Friendship Road in the middle of winter but I found myself concerned that someone would drive by just as I flopped about trying to get up.  What would they think?  What if a guest drove in?  What if I were caught on satellite and beamed out on Google Earth for the entire planet to see?  I casually rolled to the side of the drive, off the ice and into the snow and under the cover of a shrub managed to get onto my hands and knees and thence to my feet. 
I saw a nature program on tv that said that not 10 miles outside of Miami there are snakes the size of school buses.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Cardinal's Wife

I don't know how it happened, but somehow I am signed up to receive emails from Groupon telling me of local "deals for the day".  No doubt there's a button I can push somewhere that will get me off this list, but it has its amusements.  Today's was the best ever:  a Justin Bieber singing toothbrush!!!  I am offered TWO for just $14! 

It's finally snowing.  A cardinal has been flying about all morning, the only flash of colour in my monochrome landscape.  His drab Mrs follows along, careful to avoid the spotlight like a presidential candidate's wife, eyes glazed over in fake adoration, her little beak set in a bored birdy smile, while her dashing husband struts his stuff.

Mrs Romney confided in an interview that when she and her husband were discussing his possible run for office she said to him, "Mitt. I have one question.  Can you save America?"   Well, now.  I was struck by this. This took wifely admiration into truly heady realms.  But more important, I wondered what it was America needed saving from.  And then I remembered the Justin Bieber singing toothbrush.  Go Mitt!