I received this in the post today:
"We are pleased to announce you may qualify for the Funeral Advantage Program that will pay your family in the event of your death an insurance cash benefit up to $20,000 TAX FREE. " If I answer today, I will also get a pamphlet called "My Final Wishes". Why on earth would anyone be "pleased to announce" this? Who wrote this? Am I meant to be pleased to be told this? I was sitting here opening envelopes as I do in a once a week depressing ritual: Bill, bill, bill, bill, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE and we are PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE IT. The next bill seemed positively cheerful. How delightful. I owe $118 dollars for 400 tv stations I don't want to watch, but at least they aren't pleased to announce my impending death. They just want their 118 bucks .Then on the computer I received notification of another review on Trip Advisor. Great. I really need another critic writing in a lacto intolerant gluten free feather allergy snit about a squeaky door. I'm still paying the price in my rankings exacted by a woman who loathed me about 3 years ago the result of which was a very nasty albeit hilarious review which I suppose will follow me to my gravestone. One depends on the common sense of the Trip Advisor readers. Anyhow, I took a deep breath and found the review and Mon Dieu! It was nice. Somebody liked me. Someone came here, had a good time and was nice enough to say so. They liked the birds. They liked my house. They thought I was incredibly beautiful and youthful looking. (That part was just sort of implied.) Not the sort of person at all who would qualify for a funeral advantage program.