We are pleased to announce

I received this in the post today: 

"We are pleased to announce you may qualify for the Funeral Advantage Program that will pay your family in the event of your death an insurance cash benefit up to $20,000 TAX FREE. " If I answer today, I will also get a pamphlet called "My Final Wishes".   Why on earth would anyone be "pleased to announce" this?  Who wrote this?  Am I meant to be pleased to be told this?  I was sitting here opening envelopes as I do in a once a week depressing ritual:  Bill, bill, bill, bill, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE and we are PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE IT.  The next bill seemed positively cheerful.  How delightful.  I owe $118 dollars for 400 tv stations I don't want to watch, but at least they aren't pleased to announce my impending death.  They just want their 118 bucks .Then on the computer  I received notification of another review on Trip Advisor.  Great. I really need another critic writing in a lacto intolerant gluten free feather allergy snit about a squeaky door. I'm still paying the price in my rankings exacted by a woman who loathed me about 3 years ago the result of which was a  very nasty albeit hilarious review which I suppose will follow me to my gravestone. One depends on the common sense of the Trip Advisor readers.  Anyhow, I took a deep breath and found the review and Mon Dieu!    It was nice.  Somebody liked me.   Someone came here, had a good time and was nice enough to say so.  They liked the birds.  They liked my house.  They thought I was incredibly beautiful and youthful looking. (That part was just sort of implied.) Not the sort of person at all who would qualify for a funeral advantage program.